A bump on the road

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As I was heading to my parent's house, what is being repeatedly chanted in my brain was the scariest medical term in a person's medical experience - TUMOR.

Tumor. Tumor. Tumor.

Cancer. Cancer. Cancer.

How long do I have to live? God I am not ready to die yet.

All these things kept bugging me even when my obgyn said that the tumor is benign. Even with all the reassurances I got from my mom and my husband, still I was really worried.

But because I am used to keeping my worries inside me, whenever I go out and interact with friends, I still kept my bubbly self. Hiding my fears and my uncertainties. I was also in the process of blaming myself for going to the doctor even when I don't have any life and death reason to go there.

Because I was keeping all my worries, stress was building up in my body. A day after my TVS result came out, I was vomiting like crazy. I thought it was because I drank a yucky green tea freeze that tastes like dead leaves on my tongue. My stomach was uneasy all week after my ultrasound, no matter how many antacids I took, it just wouldn't calm my gastric juices inside my stomach. Then I remembered what my mom once told me, she said that stress can build acid in the stomach. I was in too much stress, thus, all the acids in my stomach - hence, my hyperacidity attack.

I asked myself many questions. Is my journey to becoming a mother this difficult? Is this how badly I want to have a baby?

Yes. Just to hold my own baby in my own arms, I would trek all mountains no matter how rough it would be. I would do all I can to experience what motherhood is all about. Regardless if after my surgery, I would still have to brace myself for another painful experience via labor pains and all maternity related pains. I would do all those because I want to be a mother.

After telling all my friends of my upcoming surgery, slowly I felt relieved and somehow I have come to accept the reality - that the road to motherhood is not an easy trip to take; its not all straight; it has bumps, it has its share of dangerous curves and bends; But regardless, I'm pretty sure that its going to be one ride I wouldn't miss for life.

My TVS Experience

It was a Saturday when I had my first TVS or Transviginal Sonogram experience.

I had to wake up very early because the schedule given to me by my obgyn was between seven in the morning to nine in the morning. I asked my husband to accompany me to the hospital but unfortunately he was not feeling well so I had to go there alone.

When I got to the hospital, I was already the eleventh patient to be ultrasound. While waiting for my turn, I have to go to the billing station and charge the payment to my health insurance. When I got back to the ultrasound room, I was already being called in for the said procedure.

While waiting for the doctor in the lobby, I could hear in the other room the ongoing ultrasound of a pregnant woman. I could hear her baby's heartbeat. I was all the more eager to get pregnant and experience what its like to hear my own baby's heartbeat and share that experience with my husband. I'll probably be so emotional when that happens.

When it was my turn, the assisting nurse asked me if I wanted to change into a lab gown, I told her that I won't be using their lab gown since I was wearing a dress. So she just told me to take my underwear off and wait on the ultrasound bed.


It was my first time to see a bed like that. It was a hospital bed cut in half. So the bed only supported my upper body and their was some foot pedal (i think) where I placed both my feet on it. Beside the bed was the TVS machine, with all its monitor and buttons. Across the bed, attached to the wall was a flat screen monitor/tv where the patient can see the images inside their uterus / ovary. Placed on the TVS machine was an instrument that looked thinner than a dildo and it has a condom on it. That was what the doctor used to view what's inside my reproductive system.

When my obgyn came in, she immediately took the "thin dildo like" instrument and pour a large amount of lubricant on the instrument and then she asked me to relax and simply breathe in. Then she placed the instrument inside me and began exploring my insides. She told me that there is an egg cell in my right ovary. That was good news and I was happy. I thought that after my ultrasound, I will call my husband and try to make a baby. (hehehe) But I wasn't expecting that there is some bad news coming. The doctor then muttered something like, "there's something else I see in here". Then she tactfully blurted what she saw - "Den, in your left ovary, there's a TUMOR." And my world collapsed.

I was speechless for a couple of minutes. My brain was having a hard time comprehending the term she used. A tumor for me is synonymous to cancer. I got scared. Am I gonna die now? Then, as if she sensed my confusion, she immediately told me that the tumor is benign. But I need to be operated so that she can scrape the "dermoid cyst" (medical term) before any complications can occur.

After the whole TVS experience, I felt like I was floating on air. I called both my mom and my husband and inform them of my ultrasound result. Both reassured me that I will be fine. But I cannot help it, I still feel scared.

My First OBGYN visit

It has been seven months since my husband and I got married and up to now, we have not conceived a child yet.

Our parents, especially the family of my husband, they have been asking us for a baby already. My husband would just answer them that making a baby is not that easy.

We have tried all natural efforts. We have counted days in the calendar of when I will be fertile. We have tried to elevate my hips so to ensure that all sperm ejaculated will stay inside me. But still to no avail.

Although my husband and I are in no hurry to have kids, I still want to make sure that what we are doing are correct and we are doing it in the right way. So I told my husband that I will be consulting an OBGYN so that we will be properly guided as to how conceiving a baby is done. Also, I want to consult a doctor regarding my monthly cycle.

Because it is my first time to consult an OBGYN, I was really excited and I was ready to learn all there is to know about conception. When I met the doctor, I felt at ease with her right away (she is my mom's OBGYN and my friend is also one of her patients). She is so easy to talk to and while she is asking me information about myself and my medical records, she was also typing in her computer.

I told her that I have a Hyper-Thyroid problem although it is already controlled because I have been under medication for the past two years. She told me that it will not cause any problem, in fact, she said that in most cases, they will just allow thyroid patients to get pregnant. Although, if I do get pregnant, I have to inform my Endocrinologist so that I will be assessed right away. My OBGYN also assured me that thyroid medications are mostly safe during pregnancy.

Next thing that I asked from my doctor is about my monthly cycle. Women usually have a 28 day cycle per month. I, on the other hand, has a rather long monthly cycle. It plays between 33 days to 40 days. When I mentioned this to the OBGYN, she immediately scheduled me for an ultrasound or TVS (TransVaginal Sonogram). She scheduled me on my 18th day since my first day of my menstrual period. This is to check if I am ovulating because as the doctor said, I am a "long ovulator".

After my consulation, I went home really happy and excited. Finally, I was able to make my first move towards being a mother. I couldn't wait for my ultrasound.

That and the result of my TVS will be discussed in my next post.