A bump on the road

http://www.flickr.com/photos/arenamontanus

As I was heading to my parent's house, what is being repeatedly chanted in my brain was the scariest medical term in a person's medical experience - TUMOR.

Tumor. Tumor. Tumor.

Cancer. Cancer. Cancer.

How long do I have to live? God I am not ready to die yet.

All these things kept bugging me even when my obgyn said that the tumor is benign. Even with all the reassurances I got from my mom and my husband, still I was really worried.

But because I am used to keeping my worries inside me, whenever I go out and interact with friends, I still kept my bubbly self. Hiding my fears and my uncertainties. I was also in the process of blaming myself for going to the doctor even when I don't have any life and death reason to go there.

Because I was keeping all my worries, stress was building up in my body. A day after my TVS result came out, I was vomiting like crazy. I thought it was because I drank a yucky green tea freeze that tastes like dead leaves on my tongue. My stomach was uneasy all week after my ultrasound, no matter how many antacids I took, it just wouldn't calm my gastric juices inside my stomach. Then I remembered what my mom once told me, she said that stress can build acid in the stomach. I was in too much stress, thus, all the acids in my stomach - hence, my hyperacidity attack.

I asked myself many questions. Is my journey to becoming a mother this difficult? Is this how badly I want to have a baby?

Yes. Just to hold my own baby in my own arms, I would trek all mountains no matter how rough it would be. I would do all I can to experience what motherhood is all about. Regardless if after my surgery, I would still have to brace myself for another painful experience via labor pains and all maternity related pains. I would do all those because I want to be a mother.

After telling all my friends of my upcoming surgery, slowly I felt relieved and somehow I have come to accept the reality - that the road to motherhood is not an easy trip to take; its not all straight; it has bumps, it has its share of dangerous curves and bends; But regardless, I'm pretty sure that its going to be one ride I wouldn't miss for life.

My Journey to Motherhood

I am a full-time housewife.

I recently got married last December 2009 and after the wedding, I decided to quit my job and become a full-time wife to my husband.

I must admit, it was never easy to be a wife, let alone to be a full-time housewife. I have to learn all the domestic chores like cooking, doing the laundry and cleaning the house. While I was still living with my parents, I seldom do all those chores and because of that, I was having a hard time adjusting to my being a housewife.

Back when I was in grade school, I was really excited to turn 18 and host my own debut party. After being a debutant, I was dreaming of walking down the aisle with the man of my dreams waiting at the altar. As I have mentioned, last December 2009, my dream wedding was materialized (including my dream husband!) and now that I am a wife, I've been storming heaven with my prayers of conceiving a child.

Seven months in our marriage, I am praying for a baby. And this is what this blog is all about. I am sharing with you my journey, the road I'm trekking, a miracle I have been waiting - this is my journey to motherhood.