I have been gushing about my upcoming surgery yet I have never mentioned in this blog the kind of surgery I'm getting myself into.
As I have mentioned in my previous posts, when I had my Transvaginal Sonogram, my Gynecologist found a tumor in my left ovary. Although the tumor is benign, the doctor still suggested that I should be operated immediately to avoid future complications. The surgery that I am talking about is Ovarian Cystectomy.
As my Gynecologist explained to me, the procedure will just be scraping the tumor in my left ovary. The whole ovary will be intact after the procedure. I will just expound on this in later posts, that is, after my surgery tomorrow.
My surgery was supposed to happen last week, but because I haven't gotten my period yet, my Gynecologist couldn't risk the idea that I might be pregnant. She couldn't afford to make a mistake.
Last week was a bit of a turmoil for me. I was really hoping against all hope that I am pregnant. One reason for hoping is that I want to avoid the surgery. I just couldn't stand the idea of being sliced up. I am horrified of the pain. Anyway, Friday came and I still haven't got my period and so I asked my husband to buy me a pregnancy test. I just couldn't handle the suspense. I couldn't wait for Sunday. Deep inside me, I was 60% sure that the test will turn out negative because my abdominal cramps intensified. I woke early in the morning, took the test and the result was heartbreaking.
NEGATIVE.
I didn't know that that one single line would be that heartbreaking. My husband, although he was consoling me, I knew that he too felt bad of the result. We're both longing for a baby.
So now that the results are in, I am gearing up for tomorrow's surgery. My husband and I will be heading to the hospital in a few hours and then there's no turning back.
This is it, after the surgery, I will make sure that the next time I will have a pregnancy test, it will have two lines on it.
Showing posts with label tumor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label tumor. Show all posts
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Monday, July 19, 2010
A bump on the road
http://www.flickr.com/photos/arenamontanusAs I was heading to my parent's house, what is being repeatedly chanted in my brain was the scariest medical term in a person's medical experience - TUMOR.
Tumor. Tumor. Tumor.
Cancer. Cancer. Cancer.
How long do I have to live? God I am not ready to die yet.
All these things kept bugging me even when my obgyn said that the tumor is benign. Even with all the reassurances I got from my mom and my husband, still I was really worried.
But because I am used to keeping my worries inside me, whenever I go out and interact with friends, I still kept my bubbly self. Hiding my fears and my uncertainties. I was also in the process of blaming myself for going to the doctor even when I don't have any life and death reason to go there.
Because I was keeping all my worries, stress was building up in my body. A day after my TVS result came out, I was vomiting like crazy. I thought it was because I drank a yucky green tea freeze that tastes like dead leaves on my tongue. My stomach was uneasy all week after my ultrasound, no matter how many antacids I took, it just wouldn't calm my gastric juices inside my stomach. Then I remembered what my mom once told me, she said that stress can build acid in the stomach. I was in too much stress, thus, all the acids in my stomach - hence, my hyperacidity attack.
I asked myself many questions. Is my journey to becoming a mother this difficult? Is this how badly I want to have a baby?
Yes. Just to hold my own baby in my own arms, I would trek all mountains no matter how rough it would be. I would do all I can to experience what motherhood is all about. Regardless if after my surgery, I would still have to brace myself for another painful experience via labor pains and all maternity related pains. I would do all those because I want to be a mother.
After telling all my friends of my upcoming surgery, slowly I felt relieved and somehow I have come to accept the reality - that the road to motherhood is not an easy trip to take; its not all straight; it has bumps, it has its share of dangerous curves and bends; But regardless, I'm pretty sure that its going to be one ride I wouldn't miss for life.
Friday, July 16, 2010
My TVS Experience
It was a Saturday when I had my first TVS or Transviginal Sonogram experience.
I had to wake up very early because the schedule given to me by my obgyn was between seven in the morning to nine in the morning. I asked my husband to accompany me to the hospital but unfortunately he was not feeling well so I had to go there alone.
When I got to the hospital, I was already the eleventh patient to be ultrasound. While waiting for my turn, I have to go to the billing station and charge the payment to my health insurance. When I got back to the ultrasound room, I was already being called in for the said procedure.
While waiting for the doctor in the lobby, I could hear in the other room the ongoing ultrasound of a pregnant woman. I could hear her baby's heartbeat. I was all the more eager to get pregnant and experience what its like to hear my own baby's heartbeat and share that experience with my husband. I'll probably be so emotional when that happens.
When it was my turn, the assisting nurse asked me if I wanted to change into a lab gown, I told her that I won't be using their lab gown since I was wearing a dress. So she just told me to take my underwear off and wait on the ultrasound bed.
It was my first time to see a bed like that. It was a hospital bed cut in half. So the bed only supported my upper body and their was some foot pedal (i think) where I placed both my feet on it. Beside the bed was the TVS machine, with all its monitor and buttons. Across the bed, attached to the wall was a flat screen monitor/tv where the patient can see the images inside their uterus / ovary. Placed on the TVS machine was an instrument that looked thinner than a dildo and it has a condom on it. That was what the doctor used to view what's inside my reproductive system.
When my obgyn came in, she immediately took the "thin dildo like" instrument and pour a large amount of lubricant on the instrument and then she asked me to relax and simply breathe in. Then she placed the instrument inside me and began exploring my insides. She told me that there is an egg cell in my right ovary. That was good news and I was happy. I thought that after my ultrasound, I will call my husband and try to make a baby. (hehehe) But I wasn't expecting that there is some bad news coming. The doctor then muttered something like, "there's something else I see in here". Then she tactfully blurted what she saw - "Den, in your left ovary, there's a TUMOR." And my world collapsed.
I was speechless for a couple of minutes. My brain was having a hard time comprehending the term she used. A tumor for me is synonymous to cancer. I got scared. Am I gonna die now? Then, as if she sensed my confusion, she immediately told me that the tumor is benign. But I need to be operated so that she can scrape the "dermoid cyst" (medical term) before any complications can occur.
After the whole TVS experience, I felt like I was floating on air. I called both my mom and my husband and inform them of my ultrasound result. Both reassured me that I will be fine. But I cannot help it, I still feel scared.
I had to wake up very early because the schedule given to me by my obgyn was between seven in the morning to nine in the morning. I asked my husband to accompany me to the hospital but unfortunately he was not feeling well so I had to go there alone.
When I got to the hospital, I was already the eleventh patient to be ultrasound. While waiting for my turn, I have to go to the billing station and charge the payment to my health insurance. When I got back to the ultrasound room, I was already being called in for the said procedure.
While waiting for the doctor in the lobby, I could hear in the other room the ongoing ultrasound of a pregnant woman. I could hear her baby's heartbeat. I was all the more eager to get pregnant and experience what its like to hear my own baby's heartbeat and share that experience with my husband. I'll probably be so emotional when that happens.
When it was my turn, the assisting nurse asked me if I wanted to change into a lab gown, I told her that I won't be using their lab gown since I was wearing a dress. So she just told me to take my underwear off and wait on the ultrasound bed.
It was my first time to see a bed like that. It was a hospital bed cut in half. So the bed only supported my upper body and their was some foot pedal (i think) where I placed both my feet on it. Beside the bed was the TVS machine, with all its monitor and buttons. Across the bed, attached to the wall was a flat screen monitor/tv where the patient can see the images inside their uterus / ovary. Placed on the TVS machine was an instrument that looked thinner than a dildo and it has a condom on it. That was what the doctor used to view what's inside my reproductive system.
When my obgyn came in, she immediately took the "thin dildo like" instrument and pour a large amount of lubricant on the instrument and then she asked me to relax and simply breathe in. Then she placed the instrument inside me and began exploring my insides. She told me that there is an egg cell in my right ovary. That was good news and I was happy. I thought that after my ultrasound, I will call my husband and try to make a baby. (hehehe) But I wasn't expecting that there is some bad news coming. The doctor then muttered something like, "there's something else I see in here". Then she tactfully blurted what she saw - "Den, in your left ovary, there's a TUMOR." And my world collapsed.
I was speechless for a couple of minutes. My brain was having a hard time comprehending the term she used. A tumor for me is synonymous to cancer. I got scared. Am I gonna die now? Then, as if she sensed my confusion, she immediately told me that the tumor is benign. But I need to be operated so that she can scrape the "dermoid cyst" (medical term) before any complications can occur.
After the whole TVS experience, I felt like I was floating on air. I called both my mom and my husband and inform them of my ultrasound result. Both reassured me that I will be fine. But I cannot help it, I still feel scared.
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