The Surgery - Part One

The night before, I was already briefed by the nurse on duty that she will wake me early, at around 4am. I can take a bath then, brush my teeth and dress myself in the O.R. gown they have prepared for me. (There was one thing that I forgot to mention in yesterday's post, how painful it was for me to wipe off my 3-day old pedicure which I got in the first place because I want to have clean beautifully painted toenails when I get operated on. Heck, I didn't know that manicures, pedicures, make-up and jewelries are prohibited in the Operating Room. I saw my husband's face as I wipe off my super red pedicure, I think he was thinking, "there goes my 100 bucks...")

Anyway, at exactly 4 am, the nurse woke me up. I immediately went to the bathroom, took a bath, brushed my teeth and clothed myself with the OR gown. I was excited and nervous at the same time. Then the nurse came in again and told me that they will now insert an IV or intravenous on my left hand.

Then my heart starts thumping. Way too loudly this time. No more excitement. I am plain nervous, scared and very very scared. "Oh God, why am I here?" In my mind, I was praying, praying like the way I prayed whenever I go on a plane and just when its about to take off, my litany of all the saints in heaven have already taken off as well.

When the IV nurse started inspecting my hand, with my faked courage, I pointed to her where I usually have my IVs inserted. She informed me that she cannot insert the IV on that same spot because the vein is too small, she needs a bigger vein for my IV. She turned my hand on the side, I grew more scared, I know how painful it will be if she will insert the IV on that side plus it will be uncomfortable to move as well. Good thing that she has found another vein just below my usual spot for IV. As she inserted the IV, I guess she pushed the needle too hard because it was very painful, far painful from my other IV experiences.

Just the beginning.

The Day Before The Sugery

Hello friends!

It's been a while. A long long while.

My husband has been trying to get me to write again but to no avail. It's been what, a month and a half since my surgery and though I no longer felt pain, I was kind of on a writer's block. Something that I just can't shake it off me nor drinking a pill will dissolve it either. I have tried and tried to write something, but it just doesn't sound right. I felt like I was loosing my edge. Hah! As if I am really a pro writer.

But anyway, here I am again, attempting to write again and hopefully I will be able to finish this without hitting the delete button again.

Ok, so where am I now? (Oops, I think I can feel the effects of the anesthesia - - - forgetfulness)

Just kidding.

Oh yeah, my surgery. I will try to give you a day-by-day detail of what I went through while I was confined at the hospital.

Monday, August 2, 2010

My husband and I, all packed up and ready to go, just had to stop by at the grocery to shop for his food. We both know how boring staying in the hospital can be, so we both think that food (eating) can somehow ease the boredom a bit. Just a side story, weeks before my surgery, I sent all my friends a message on Facebook informing them of my impending operation and if ever they will have time to visit me, I just want them to bring some food for my beloved hubby. Not for me but for the man I love who happens to love food as much. (He's going to get mad at me for writing this.)

After we did our grocery shopping, we went straight to the hospital. Armed with my doctor's admission order, I went directly to the "Direct to Room" admission office, had my papers checked, my vital signs checked and then in little over half an hour, I was on my way to my private room. God it felt like we were just checking in to a hotel room for vacation. I was really comfortable. No IV, no medicines, no medical technologist to get my blood, no nurses to get my vital signs like body temperature, blood pressure. I didn't felt like a patient at all.

Then my so-called "peace" came to an end.

Ovarian Cystectomy

I have been gushing about my upcoming surgery yet I have never mentioned in this blog the kind of surgery I'm getting myself into.

As I have mentioned in my previous posts, when I had my Transvaginal Sonogram, my Gynecologist found a tumor in my left ovary. Although the tumor is benign, the doctor still suggested that I should be operated immediately to avoid future complications. The surgery that I am talking about is Ovarian Cystectomy.

As my Gynecologist explained to me, the procedure will just be scraping the tumor in my left ovary. The whole ovary will be intact after the procedure. I will just expound on this in later posts, that is, after my surgery tomorrow.

My surgery was supposed to happen last week, but because I haven't gotten my period yet, my Gynecologist couldn't risk the idea that I might be pregnant. She couldn't afford to make a mistake.

Last week was a bit of a turmoil for me. I was really hoping against all hope that I am pregnant. One reason for hoping is that I want to avoid the surgery. I just couldn't stand the idea of being sliced up. I am horrified of the pain. Anyway, Friday came and I still haven't got my period and so I asked my husband to buy me a pregnancy test. I just couldn't handle the suspense. I couldn't wait for Sunday. Deep inside me, I was 60% sure that the test will turn out negative because my abdominal cramps intensified. I woke early in the morning, took the test and the result was heartbreaking.

NEGATIVE.

I didn't know that that one single line would be that heartbreaking. My husband, although he was consoling me, I knew that he too felt bad of the result. We're both longing for a baby.

So now that the results are in, I am gearing up for tomorrow's surgery. My husband and I will be heading to the hospital in a few hours and then there's no turning back.

This is it, after the surgery, I will make sure that the next time I will have a pregnancy test, it will have two lines on it.

An Unexpected Turn

Today, I was supposed to be lying in my hospital bed, trying to relax before my scheduled operation the next day.

But things didn't turn out as planned.

Apparently, God has other things in mind. I guess.

I was already given the clearance by my Endocrinologist for my surgery. I was given a list of laboratory tests to complete just to make sure that things will go smoothly when I get operated on. When I went back to my obgyn's clinic to give to her my clearance, she suddenly asked, "When was your last menstruation?" "It was on June 23 doc", I answered immediately. I also added that I have not menstruated yet for the month of July and asked if we'll still pursue with the operation. She stopped typing on her computer, looked me in the eye and asked if I was expecting to menstruate this week, I told her yes. She asked again if I get regular monthly periods and I answered yes I do menstruate monthly, although my cycle is longer than normal cycles. Then, without batting an eyelash, she told me, "Let's reschedule your operation next week, August 3."

Although I felt relieved that my operation is postponed, I was really concerned of my husband's reaction to this sudden delay. My husband has already filed a leave of absence from his work for 5 days.

While I was imagining what my husband's reaction would be like, my obgyn began explaining to me why we have to reschedule. She told me that I could be pregnant now and she didn't want to risk it. She explained that if I am pregnant and we continue with the operation, she might scrape the "fetus" instead of scraping the tumor. She said that the fetus at this stage will look like a tumor. I might experience an early abortion if we'll push through with the operation. It is safe to wait for a week just to make sure that I am not pregnant. And if I am pregnant, the operation will be delayed for four months because we have to wait for the baby to have a strong hold in my uterus.


Did I just make a detour?

I was suppose to be heading for surgery and now I'm being held back because I might be pregnant?

Pregnant! That was suppose to be my goal after the surgery, not towards surgery. Could I really be pregnant? After all, when I had my Transvaginal Sonogram, the obgyn saw an egg in my right ovary. Could my husband and I possibly procreated on that egg?

And the answer to all that would have to wait til I menstruate this week or on Sunday, when I have to take a pregnancy test to make sure that I am pregnant.

This is an unexpected turn in my journey. Did God purposely planned this to happen? Did God answered my "baby prayers" instead of my "successful and safe operation prayers"? I could never know, but one thing I am sure of, God is in control. We'll never know, this delay could be God's blessing to me.

My Surgery is Set

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I went back to my obgyn to have my surgery scheduled. I was anticipating that it will probably be scheduled in August but goodness, the doctor wanted to do it this week! I was taken aback, why is everything happening so fast?

Anyway, I negotiated for next week and so my obgyn scheduled my operation on Tuesday, July 27, 2010. I am to stay at the hospital from Monday to Friday next week. But I still need clearance from my Endocrinologist, considering that I have hyperthyroidism. So on Monday, I have to go back to the doctor's clinic, get my clearance from my Endocrinologist and then my admission order from my Obgyn.

Now that my surgery is all set, I am starting to have panic attacks. I am scared about so many things that will happen while in surgery. I am scared of the pain brought about by being injected with anesthesia. I am scared of what will happen during surgery or when the doctor opens me, she will discover yet another bad news for me. I am really scared. And every time I think about my upcoming operation, my hyper-acidity gets activated.

But though I am scared and nervous, I am also excited. This is like my first time to ever be operated on. Not that I like to undergo this procedure but I am a bit curious what its like to be actually in the operating room. Crazy, right?

So it is all set! Next week, I am moving an extra mile in my journey to motherhood. I will try to update this blog while I am at the hospital. Do pray for the safety and the success of my surgery and add to your prayer that after all this, I will finally realize my dream of becoming a mother.

A bump on the road

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As I was heading to my parent's house, what is being repeatedly chanted in my brain was the scariest medical term in a person's medical experience - TUMOR.

Tumor. Tumor. Tumor.

Cancer. Cancer. Cancer.

How long do I have to live? God I am not ready to die yet.

All these things kept bugging me even when my obgyn said that the tumor is benign. Even with all the reassurances I got from my mom and my husband, still I was really worried.

But because I am used to keeping my worries inside me, whenever I go out and interact with friends, I still kept my bubbly self. Hiding my fears and my uncertainties. I was also in the process of blaming myself for going to the doctor even when I don't have any life and death reason to go there.

Because I was keeping all my worries, stress was building up in my body. A day after my TVS result came out, I was vomiting like crazy. I thought it was because I drank a yucky green tea freeze that tastes like dead leaves on my tongue. My stomach was uneasy all week after my ultrasound, no matter how many antacids I took, it just wouldn't calm my gastric juices inside my stomach. Then I remembered what my mom once told me, she said that stress can build acid in the stomach. I was in too much stress, thus, all the acids in my stomach - hence, my hyperacidity attack.

I asked myself many questions. Is my journey to becoming a mother this difficult? Is this how badly I want to have a baby?

Yes. Just to hold my own baby in my own arms, I would trek all mountains no matter how rough it would be. I would do all I can to experience what motherhood is all about. Regardless if after my surgery, I would still have to brace myself for another painful experience via labor pains and all maternity related pains. I would do all those because I want to be a mother.

After telling all my friends of my upcoming surgery, slowly I felt relieved and somehow I have come to accept the reality - that the road to motherhood is not an easy trip to take; its not all straight; it has bumps, it has its share of dangerous curves and bends; But regardless, I'm pretty sure that its going to be one ride I wouldn't miss for life.

My TVS Experience

It was a Saturday when I had my first TVS or Transviginal Sonogram experience.

I had to wake up very early because the schedule given to me by my obgyn was between seven in the morning to nine in the morning. I asked my husband to accompany me to the hospital but unfortunately he was not feeling well so I had to go there alone.

When I got to the hospital, I was already the eleventh patient to be ultrasound. While waiting for my turn, I have to go to the billing station and charge the payment to my health insurance. When I got back to the ultrasound room, I was already being called in for the said procedure.

While waiting for the doctor in the lobby, I could hear in the other room the ongoing ultrasound of a pregnant woman. I could hear her baby's heartbeat. I was all the more eager to get pregnant and experience what its like to hear my own baby's heartbeat and share that experience with my husband. I'll probably be so emotional when that happens.

When it was my turn, the assisting nurse asked me if I wanted to change into a lab gown, I told her that I won't be using their lab gown since I was wearing a dress. So she just told me to take my underwear off and wait on the ultrasound bed.


It was my first time to see a bed like that. It was a hospital bed cut in half. So the bed only supported my upper body and their was some foot pedal (i think) where I placed both my feet on it. Beside the bed was the TVS machine, with all its monitor and buttons. Across the bed, attached to the wall was a flat screen monitor/tv where the patient can see the images inside their uterus / ovary. Placed on the TVS machine was an instrument that looked thinner than a dildo and it has a condom on it. That was what the doctor used to view what's inside my reproductive system.

When my obgyn came in, she immediately took the "thin dildo like" instrument and pour a large amount of lubricant on the instrument and then she asked me to relax and simply breathe in. Then she placed the instrument inside me and began exploring my insides. She told me that there is an egg cell in my right ovary. That was good news and I was happy. I thought that after my ultrasound, I will call my husband and try to make a baby. (hehehe) But I wasn't expecting that there is some bad news coming. The doctor then muttered something like, "there's something else I see in here". Then she tactfully blurted what she saw - "Den, in your left ovary, there's a TUMOR." And my world collapsed.

I was speechless for a couple of minutes. My brain was having a hard time comprehending the term she used. A tumor for me is synonymous to cancer. I got scared. Am I gonna die now? Then, as if she sensed my confusion, she immediately told me that the tumor is benign. But I need to be operated so that she can scrape the "dermoid cyst" (medical term) before any complications can occur.

After the whole TVS experience, I felt like I was floating on air. I called both my mom and my husband and inform them of my ultrasound result. Both reassured me that I will be fine. But I cannot help it, I still feel scared.